Thursday, November 18, 2010

the gift of life

ramblings of a worry-wart mother......

I feel as though God is constantly reminding me of the fragility life. It is so precious and wonderful yet can be taken away in a heartbeat. Each breath HE gives us is a gift and we aren't promised our next breath. I truly believe that. I believe that each of us is put on this Earth for a reason and brought into each life's for a specific purpose. Not only that, but I also feel that we go through certain things in life (or others around us go through it and we are there to support them) and those things help shape the people we will become. I know that we've all been through some really great things, but we've also had some really rotten things happen. but we are who we are because of those experiences, life lessons and people whose paths we've crossed. I cant begin to understand why we have to go through some of those harrific things and why bad things happen to good people. I could never turn my back on God during these times but I can see how some people have. B/c in those moments of asking "why", there is no answer and it's impossible to understand and thus people turn their backs on God instead of turning their hearts towards Him. B/c he must not live us if he let it happen, right? WRONG. Suffering isnt easy. It's the hardest thing to go through. You dont know when it will end and usually only time will heal the wounds the hurt causes.

Our recent scare w/ Lucas was enough of a scare that I hope we never have to deal w/ anything similar again. (I'll blog about it later.) Even though he is fine now I couldnt image the pain if it had taken a turn for the worse and what parents go through when it does turn worse. We were lucky. We still have our little guy. Thank you Jesus. It's only by his Grace that it wasnt a more serious situation. But what ab all of those people who HAVE lost their little ones? Why didnt their little ones pull through too? How does God know which people to choose to go through certain battles?

Too many questions w/ no answers.

Boy, I sound like a debbie-downer, but really, these are things that run through the back of my head that I pray daily for God to give me peace about. I dont want to live my life in fear of what will happen and miss life along the way. I love life and I love my family and I love each and every moment we have together. I try not to take a single day or moment for granted but rather cherish each and every one.

But there is a reason why I tell both Eric and Lucas as often as I can how much I love them. There is a reason why I kiss them hello and goodbye everytime we see each other or part. There is a reason why everytime I put Lucas in his carseat I ask the Lord to "keep us and protect us" and kiss his head. I just worry so much that one day I wont do it and that'll be the day they are taken from me. I have a heavy heart somedays that Eric's, mine or Lucas' lives will be cut short. But I have been extra vigilant in reminding myself that we are the Lord's and He will only take us when He's ready to call us home. He is in control. Lucas isnt mine- he's God's. That's a hard pill to swallow.

Does anyones else every feel this way??? Or am I just rambling and not making sense?

1 comment:

Rachel said...

Gosh are making me tear up over here.

Yes, I worry about these things everyday. I worry everytime Bryan leaves to go to work, what if it's the last time I see him. Sometimes it consumes me and I am ringing his workphone just to make sure he got to work okay. I worry a lot. Seems like it got SOOO much worse when I became a mommy. Now I don't only worry about Bryan and I, but this tiny human that God has somehow found fit for me to care for.

You are so is just a gift that God has given us. I think about the days and moments I just waste (don't we all) and I lose sight of how precious this gift is. Thanks for the perspective girl.