Friday, August 27, 2010

time to put my big girl mama panties on

so......I am a little distraught this morning. Which actually surprises me. I was doing so well. This is the first weekend w/o Lucas. And I've been dreading it but I'd been handling it better than I thought I would. I was torn up inside but was keeping it together physically. We have a wedding to go to this weekend and we can't take Lucas so he's staying with my in-laws. Tonight we have the rehearsal dinner and my MIL is picking him up from my sisters house. We wont be able to get him before he goes to sleep tonight so we decide to let him spend the night and not wake him up. Also, b/c we'd have to drop him of by 1 pm tomorrow anyway b/c we have to be back at the church by 2:30 pm for pictures since Eric is a groomsman. I am excited about the wedding but I'm distraught about not seeig Lucas for a whole 48 hours!!!

I mean in all reality I gues I could see him but there really is no sense in waking him up either night to take him home; it wouldnt be fair to him. :(

So, back to this morning....I dropped Lucas off at my sisters house and Lucas BALLED when I left. I could hear him crying from the car. I went back to look in the window to see if he was calming down but he saw me and cried harder. I couldnt help it....I did what you arent supposed to do....I walked back in. I gave him a hug and treid to sooth him ut it wasnt working. He wanted ME and that was it. (he was in his high chair eating breakfast) So I just ripped off the bandaid and left. And I was crying. He broke my heart. then I started thinking ab not seeing him this weekend and I cried again.

I'll be enjoying the weekend at the wedding festivities but a big chunk of my heart will be w/ Lucas at his Mimi's house.


Rachael said...

I'm sorry Megan :( You must think I am crazy all the time we spend away from Macy! I really do think it makes them more well rounded, learn to respect and listen to other adults and have FUN with people who love them. Enjoy your time with Eric and when you see Lucas it will make you realize why you missed him and love him so much. That may sounds like a bunch of crap but I mean it :/

Megan said...

you are absolutely right. It's just that we've never gone 48 hrs w/o him and it was a little daunting. But, we were able to stop by and spend dome time w/ him before the wedding on Saturday so it worked out. HE spends the night once a week w/ Eric's grandparents but this was the first weekend.